Almost everyone knows that true respect has to be earned. It can neither be demanded from, nor forcibly imposed upon, others.
Still we find demands for respect everywhere we look: the teacher who demands it from her students, the boss from his subordinates, the ones with a title to their names from those without, the kings and princes from the common men, the rulers and ministers from the citizens, or the judge from all present before her.
The trouble is, we frequently confuse respect with courtesy (though there is an element of the former in the latter). Courtesy is something that can be demanded, respect cannot. Courtesy is an outward behaviour; respect an inner sentiment. For instance, everyone is expected to be courteous to a judge. This demand for courtesy is a necessity. It is because a judge will not be able to properly perform her important function if dissenters are allowed to be discourteous to her. It is not because a judge is infallible, or that her every conduct or decision is beyond reproach. Out of necessity, a person who views a valid court order to be wrong (or even reprehensible) must nevertheless obey it. There can be no workable legal system otherwise. Respect, though, is something else. It would be absurd (and most unhelpful) to demand or require that every decision of a judge be respected no matter how wrong or reprehensible it may be in one’s view. Galileo is a tragic reminder of this point.
The true essence of the concept of contempt of court is, therefore, about discourtesy and undue interference with the performance of judicial duty. It is not (and should not be) a matter of “enforcing” respect towards the conduct of a judge or the quality of a decision. This clear divide I find missing in legal jurisprudence.
It is evident to me that respect that is ostensibly dished out or displayed under compulsion or duress (or under less than voluntary circumstances) is at best superficial or routine, and at worst fake, artificial or hypocritical. Beneath fake respect one usually finds disdain. Under superficial respect lies emptiness.
Lots of people are driven mad by their psychotic desires to be a “somebody” somewhere, anywhere. A man, returning home from a hard day of abuse by his superior at work, takes it out on his wife and children, and demands to be respected because he is the “Man around the house”. The morally impoverished teacher who punishes her students at her whims and fancies, and sadistically drives home the point that her students have no choice but to obey and suffer the unjust punishment. The inadequate judge who lectures at everyone appearing before him, in order to divert attention from his lack of aptitude for the job, and to disguise the sorry state of his psychological faculty. By wanting so much to be respected, these persons become negative and destructive forces in society. They demand that which cannot be insisted upon, and give not that which they are supposed to provide.
Look, too, at our powerful and yet pathetic politicians and ministers, who behave as if they own the country (and perhaps they believe they do). The pomp and ceremony that follow them wherever they go (crying out for respect) indicate their preoccupation with becoming a class (or several classes) above the rest of us. It is little wonder that the people’s interest is poorly served, since persons with egos of this size do not serve anyone apart from themselves.
Then there are, in various parts of the world, the rulers in 21st century democracies. They come in different shapes and sizes. Some are humble, and appreciate their fortunate places in history. Others are high and mighty, demanding (rather than earning) respect from the people, not realizing that the concept of a ruler is increasingly at odds with the ideals of modern democracies, and oblivious to the changing tide of world history that would remove from them that which they are taking for granted.
The other side of this poisonous coin is the countless people who have learned to respect the wrong things and the wrong persons. Many young persons grow up thinking that most worthy of respect are wealth, position and the power of authority. We can hardly blame them, for they acquire this habit from their elders. Success today in the adult world is measured by wealth, power and position.
We are accustomed to judging “success” solely at its surface. He who gets what he sets out to achieve is a winner. And we applaud all winners. We do not bother too much about how they have won, so long as they have won. We pay little attention, let alone tribute, to those who pursue the straight and honest path but who in so doing have not managed to acquire great wealth or high position. By generally perceived standards, they are not examples of “success”.
It appears that this world is for winners only. We care about big results, rather than huge efforts. Hard work that bears small fruits draws no respect. The dignity of labour is a dying concept. Labour is rewarded with no more than necessary. Millions who toil a hard day’s work receive pittance for their honest sweat. This, we say, is market determination, not exploitation.
As opposed to hard workers, today’s risk takers are either admired (when the risk pays off) or forgotten (when it does not). We call it entrepreneurship. We say that they build opportunities, and so deserve their success. There is an air of respectability about them (at least until and unless they fail).
There is no suggestion of respectability about the ones who build our roads, bridges and houses, the ones who break their backs to plant and harvest the food we put on our tables, those shadowy figures who clean our streets at night, or the back-alley child labourers who make the clothes we pick and choose in our shopping malls. These persons are looked down upon. Such is life, we say, and somebody has to do the dirty work. There can be no top without bottom, so somebody has to occupy the bottom.
We may not consciously think about it, and we may not vocalize it, but this is generally the way we behave in everyday life. This pattern of behaviour passes from generation to generation, like some kind of cultural DNA.
We need a cultural mutation.
I wish to invite you now to consciously ponder about the following. Take, on the one hand, a bigwig leader born with a silver spoon, who speaks with a forked tongue and ravages with a swift scoop; and, on the other hand, a simple widow who for 30 years has worked 2 menial jobs, and raised and educated her children single-handedly. Who in your view better deserves our respect? Does society today behave in a way that is consonant with the opinion you have just formed?
Between the graceful speed of the famous athlete Usain Bolt, and the determined movements of the relatively unknown Nick Vujicic (who was born without all 4 limbs but who taught himself to live an active and useful life, traveling widely to give motivational talks), whose underlying human spirit and hard training do you think are more admirable? Who between the two do you think warrants greater respect? Before forming your view on this, I invite you to watch a video about Nick Vujicic, by using the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4uG2kSdd-4. I do not see society rushing to confer medals on Vujicic (as it would Bolt), nor are there millions around the world holding Vujicic up as a symbol of the human spirit (the way Bolt is held).
Our sense of respect has been upside down for too long.
The rush to climb the social ladder never ceases. No doubt classes have always existed in human societies, and probably will never be totally abolished (which explains the fatal flaw in Marxist and communist ideologies of a classless society). But an important aspect of civilization ought to be to alter our perspective of class, to better manage the relationship among different classes, and to narrow the gaps among them. I am given to understand that Gabriel Garcia Marquez said this (though I have not verified the source): a man has the right to look down on another only when he is helping the other to get up. We must heed this advice.
If we continue to feel the urge to look up to power, position and wealth, it may be helpful for us to remind ourselves of this clear admonition that is given at the beginning of the Chinese classic, “Dream of the Red Chamber”:
Where are the kings and generals of yesteryears?
Ah, in some abandoned graves, obscured by wild grass!
If only we could all declare war on our cultural DNA, and begin to teach ourselves, and our children, to respect the things in life that are truly worthy of respect.
(The author is a former President of the Malaysian Bar)